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This story starts with a tortoiseshell kitten without a name. I interviewed Ekin (they/them) on an incredibly warm summer day, in East Berlin. Ekin is 37, from the Turkish coast, and has been living in Berlin for 4 years now. An important layer to them is that they are a late bloomer, as they have recently been discovering their queerness, and the possibility of being neurodivergent. Navigating through these unknown waters has been at times exciting but also frightening. Having the support of their peers is their compass.
The day we met was a very special one, because Ekin had just brought home a kitten they adopted from the shelter. She is a small black cat with golden patches, and acted unexpectedly sociable around us. Ekin wasn’t in a rush to name the kitten, in the same way they aren’t precipitated in labeling their own selves.
They told me they have always felt accepted and loved by their cats. As if with them they didn’t have to perform anything or be any different to be loved. Also being around animals helps them to co-regulate their emotions, and remember to be in the present moment.
At Ekin’s home, they showed me a handful of objects that they relate to self-care. Those items carry stories, and memories that connect Ekin to special people and places. There is a physicality about them that is important to Ekin, as a form of sensorial wellbeing incorporated in their routine.
The olive tree that sits in their balcony, for example, is an ever reminder of their origins. It evokes the sea, warmth, Mediterranean flavors, which have been part of Ekin’s history. The patterned blanket that covers their sofa with strong colors is another special item–a gift from their mother when Ekin made Berlin their new home. Ekin’s relationship with their culture is not a bed of roses though. It’s rather a mix of the coziness of snuggling in your favorite blanket, and the unique bitter/savory taste of a dark olive.
The meaning of self-care has developed over time for Ekin, especially once they settled in Berlin. It was the starting point of a self-knowledge journey, in which they have become more in tune with their feelings and learning to show up for themselves. There is individuality in this path, but also an essential collective portion to it. The connection with who Ekin loves, and their community have provided Ekin with a safe space to get in touch with their emotions and identities.
As they got to know themselves better and better, they understood that who they are also shapes their relationship to self-care.
Nowadays self-care to Ekin has a lot to do with self-regulation, by creating routines and ceremonies that help them to be in a more balanced state. One example is keeping lists, which provide them a better sense of control, helping to quiet their overthinking side. However, it is important for them to keep plans fluid, as extreme rigidity might have a counter effect on them.
Another important self-care practice is meditation and sound, that’s why we decided to wrap up the interview session by attending a sound bath meditation class together. It is something that Ekin usually does on Sunday evenings, but this time they had company.
From an outside perspective, we were a group of strangers in the same room laying down on mats, with cozy blankets, in a half sleep state. From an inside perspective, it felt like being in a parallel universe, following the different paths of vibration. Although we were immersed in our own experiences, Ekin and I were deeply connected by the sound waves.
